The mind of a 14 year old...

I just spent an hour chatting with Tyler about Ukraine. He was mostly waxing poetic about his childhood...he spoke of everything from wondering if his Ukrainian grandmother was still alive to catching spiders with twine and gum. My thoughts switched back and forth from "I hope he always remembers these things" to "Is he just trying to stay up later and knows I'm a sucker for him recalling his days in Ukraine?"

I was able to tell him the totally God-woven timeline of their adoption and how they were only available for about 10 days when we got there and how within 7 days of us getting there, the government changed the rules to only being able to adopt kids 10 years or older (they were 7 & 8 at the time). Everything worked out within a very tight time frame for us to get them 0 and of course, God worked it out perfectly. Including the part that IF his grandmother had contacted the orphanage within the year they were there, they would NOT have been available for adoption. He said "Yeah, she probably knew she couldn't take care of us." Yes, and because she knew she couldn't, she didn't contact the orphanage. One of the first things Tyler ever communicated to us in English was that the ONLY person is all of Ukraine that ever loved him was his grandmother. I think of her often (she is probably in her 50s and is most likely still alive).

While I know his true past and many of the horrid things that happened to him, to hear him, you'd think he had the most wonderful childhood. The details about the games he played and the people who were his friends and were not his friends and the things they did...they all sound like something I imagine out of the 50s - you know...back when the government didn't protect us from sharp objects and the unsafe world. The fact is, childhood in Ukraine, in general, IS much more dangerous that our cotton-padded America. I know there are places in the US that aren't all safe and cozy, but MY world, and now our boys world, is fairly well-wrapped in a blanket of safety. Listening to Tyler talk about the projectiles they made (and shot at each other), the cement jungles they wrestled on, the thorny woods they tripped each other in and the playground full of really tall and dangerous metal toys they ran around and flew off of...it was like it was any boys dream. At one point he even stopped and paused. I asked him, "Does it seem like forever ago?" He replied, "Yeah. I miss it."

He misses it. I sit here and think about that. What is it that he misses? Having a mother who abused him? Or living in an orphanage and having NO parents? Does he miss not getting enough to eat? Does he miss living in a room full of same-aged children with dirty clothes and no showers? WHAT is there to miss? It didn't make me angry...it just made me think.

I know what he misses - he misses being a child! In all of his 14 years, Ukraine represents a time that was tough, yes...but it was also a time of freedom. Of not thinking about "Will this hurt?" but instead thinking "MAN! THAT HURT!" and of just picking himself up and brushing himself off and going to the next big adventure. Because if there is one thing you have when you have a mother who doesn't really care...or you live in an orphanage that is outnumbered on the kids to adults ration...one thing you most certainly have - is FREEDOM. Even if you aren't allowed to go there or do that...you DO go there and you DO go and do that. Because you have to get CAUGHT before you get in trouble! And it is worth it to try because chances are, you'll get away with it. And if you DO get caught, what can they do to you? Hurt you worse than you've already been hurt by your own mother? Unlikely. Plus, like most young boys, Tyler was invincible. To a certain extent, he still is...you know there is a reason common sense doesn't kick in for the male until they are in their 20s...it would really compromise their fearless invincibility!

I remember Tyler's first and longest-held complaint of becoming an American. "TOO MANY RULES!" He felt his youthful care-freeness being sucked out of him within a month of landing. It wasn't just school, it was family, too. I remember Tyler AND Zach saying to us "Brush our teethe??? EVERY day???" Followed quickly by showers or baths...EVERY day. and school...ALL day. No four hour break in the middle for quiet time (which I think was really teacher and orphanage worker four hour sanity time...). So much structure. If you think about it, how foreign was that for them? But I also remember him running to me EVERY time he got a little scratch! I would look at him and say "How can you be hurt by this? When we got you, you were covered with bruises and cuts and scrapes and NOTHING hurt you!" He consistently looked at me and said "Yes, but no one cared about me then...now I have you!" How can you find fault or argue with that?

I asked Tyler about how much fun he USED to have doing simple things. And how much time he spent outside playing WITHOUT all kinds of toys and accessories. He made toys out of ink pens and sticks and held on to single marbles because they were great and wonderful and bounced if you threw them down the hall. He said "Yeah, and now I don't want to stay outside for anything...and now I have all the video games and TV and my iPod..."

But even he knows that there is something he misses. Ahhh, the simpler life of childhood from the perspective of a 14 year old. He's only 14, but he's lived a lot longer than that.

The first time we met Tyler.